i'm starting to get a little dizzy...

all this dang back and forth... have we really been living in this limbo for a year now? you'd think we'd have made a dicision by now! HA! i have a bit more dutch in me than i thought... Justin too apparently. :S

we are still undecided, it feels like... though justin is moving toward getting OUT and going into the Reserves and keeps trying to convince me that he is ok with this... but i'm not happy with him just being "ok". dang it, i want him EXSTATIC that he is finally coming HOME... wouldn't you think that would be the natural repsonce? not so for this man...

ugh... men.

so dang complicated.

I know that it is VERY hard to walk away from this career... and trust me, it's laying on a fresh layer of guilt now that he's made 2nd Class Petty Officer... "half-way to the top!" as justin put it... but dang, i married Justin to SHARE a life with him... not live two seperate ones. and i KNOW it's had an effect on our marriage... when we're together, we're great, SO in love!... but right now, 1000's of miles apart... we don't talk, we don't flirt, we don't tease, and those nice, comfortable silences we used to cuddle during just aren't the same over the phone.

i am trying my hardest to be a good wife... patient, selfless, respectful, submissive, and yet be his PARTNER and let him know what i want... and am constantly trying to remind myself... "Is it REALLY all about what YOU want?", but then i can't help but think... "But how can it be God's will for our family to be split up for another 2 YEARS!?"...

this is rough terrain, ladies and gents... and i just want to move on... i want to know whats ahead...

*giggle*

and i know God just laughed out loud at that last statement... since when has that been part of the deal? I know that whatever path Justin chooses, God will give me the grace to accept and survive through...

BUT I REALLY WANT HIM HOME!

:P