bad dreams...

ugh... it's almost 11pm and i'm dredding going to sleep. I had the hardest time getting to sleep at all last night because of an unplanned, and untimely nap nathaniel and i took from about 7pm to 9:30pm! :S so we were both up and happy til about 2am, and i finally crawled into bed at about 3am, with a chick flick on for noise (since i was alone at home), and my most recent fiction reading material, The Bridges Of Madison County. So i lay there, planning to read til i doze off, my usual routine... 1/2 watching The Wedding Date... cute, light-hearted, funny, romantic. So i FINALLY doze off around 4 or 5am... then JERK awake not 20 minutes later due to a terrifying dream! i lay there, alone, trying to get the horrendous images out of my mind... a task i've yet to fully accomplish. i calm myself... trying to pray and assure myself that everything is peaceful. I doze off again, and this time i sleep maybe for an hour... but again wake up with a start because i was being attacked by a freakishly large locus or grasshopper in my dream while riding a bike to take Coffee Cake to my Sunday School class! Can you say STRANGE?????

so now i'm sitting here... trying to fill my head with GOOD things, yet drinking a full glass of Mountain Dew. I don't know if i want to sleep... i can sleep fine during the day, on the couch, cuddled up with nathaniel... which is what we did this afternoon for about 2 hours... and Justin will be home at some point tomorrow. I hope early... and then i can sleep in peace.

i'm just wondering where the heck those dreams came from... i can KINDA understand the more gruesome of the two... the first one. Dark, strange, new house... someone trying to break in, can't get to nathaniel, then nathaniel turning into something i don't even want to think about... i know where that came from. The image was from a movie commercial i saw on TV... a new horror flick. Something about an unborn twin haunting the born twin... i hate horror movies. i will never ever go see one... i went ONCE to one with justin, and i prayed that movie out of my memory as soon as i got home!!!! but i had a great evening... relaxing, fun with nathaniel, chick flick, sexy book... very NON-SCARY evening. so what gives? ugh... i truly believe it was satan trying to scare the pants off me and get to me while justin is away for the weekend. *sigh* i just wish he'd leave me the heck alone... EVERY TIME justin is gone and i'm alone in this stinking apartment, it happens... i don't sleep, i eat out of lonliness and boredom, and i have nightmares. *sigh* pray for me girls... my dreams often are the way Satan gets to me. I have a history of have HORRIBLE, gruesome, horror-movie-like dreams... when i was battling depression my Sr. year, while justin was in boot camp and i was alone at college, while i was pregnant, and ever since i was little, now that i think about it. Anyone else have dream problems? any advice to get them to GO AWAY? i'm troubled by them...

In the Face of a Stranger...

Di went to wal-mart last night... yes, i am crazy. Wal-Mart? on Christmas Eve? Madness. But as i inched my way out of the parking lot after my 3 hour adventure, a man and woman stood at the intersection caught my eye... he was playing a guitar, and she was holding their dog and a sign that said "Merry Christmas". Usually Justin and i drive by, i say a prayer and leave it at that... Justin doesn't like to give them money because he thinks they'll just feed some addiction.

But i was alone with Nathaniel, it was Christmas Eve, and i was feeling pretty thankful for the blessing God had given me this year... so i wanted to pass it on. So as i drove up on the couple, i grabbed a $10 out of my billfold... and as i drove by, i leaned out my window awaiting the man to take the bill. And when he did, he looked straight into my eyes... he was young, and had a... "dashing" look to him, even through the dirt and greasy hair. He had a beard growing out, and a longer haircut reminded me of Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic), but what really stunned me was his eyes... they were the lightest blue, sky blue eyes that pierced through you... and when he said "Thank You..." i felt it... i got goosebumps all down my body and i was overcome with emotion. As i hurried along, and started down Jefferson Ave. toward my nice, warm, full apartment... i had trouble catching my breath and fighting tears. I prayed over and over for that man and woman...

Now, maybe i'm a easy catch for scammers... and maybe they'll go out and buy drinks and get drunk for Christmas with my money, or maybe they'll put it toward an ugly addiction... but maybe they won't. and if they do, God will deal with them, i did what i was supposed to do and i do not regret giving them my last $10. Maybe they had kids, maybe they'll go to IHOP or Wal Mart and get some new socks of gloves or blankets... i don't know... but it got me thinking about how TRULY blessed i am... not just with a son, and fancy things... but the small things. As i ate my meatloaf last night... i was thankful i could afford to make it, in a nice kitchen, in a nice apartment, dressed in warm clothes, in a warm apartment, while i watched TV, and played with my son who had clean diapers, and enough cereal and formula and warm, clean clothes....

and i'm thankful for God sending Jesus... He didn't have to, but He did, because He just loves us THAT much. And i'm not just blogging about this because i think i'm some great person because i gave to the poor... please don't misunderstand. This experience just really made me thankful, and made me change my mood... i was actually pretty bummed. Away from family, unable to afford much as far as gifts go... but you know, thats plenty. Why are gifts so dang important, anyway? i mean, ya they're nice, and i'm thankful for parents who spoiled us... but don't laughter, and quiet moments have any value anymore?

I'm just very thankful this Christmas... and i hope this made you think, and praise God also... God Bless you all, and Merry Christmas.