Sunday, December 28, 2008

bad dreams...

ugh... it's almost 11pm and i'm dredding going to sleep. I had the hardest time getting to sleep at all last night because of an unplanned, and untimely nap nathaniel and i took from about 7pm to 9:30pm! :S so we were both up and happy til about 2am, and i finally crawled into bed at about 3am, with a chick flick on for noise (since i was alone at home), and my most recent fiction reading material, The Bridges Of Madison County. So i lay there, planning to read til i doze off, my usual routine... 1/2 watching The Wedding Date... cute, light-hearted, funny, romantic. So i FINALLY doze off around 4 or 5am... then JERK awake not 20 minutes later due to a terrifying dream! i lay there, alone, trying to get the horrendous images out of my mind... a task i've yet to fully accomplish. i calm myself... trying to pray and assure myself that everything is peaceful. I doze off again, and this time i sleep maybe for an hour... but again wake up with a start because i was being attacked by a freakishly large locus or grasshopper in my dream while riding a bike to take Coffee Cake to my Sunday School class! Can you say STRANGE?????

so now i'm sitting here... trying to fill my head with GOOD things, yet drinking a full glass of Mountain Dew. I don't know if i want to sleep... i can sleep fine during the day, on the couch, cuddled up with nathaniel... which is what we did this afternoon for about 2 hours... and Justin will be home at some point tomorrow. I hope early... and then i can sleep in peace.

i'm just wondering where the heck those dreams came from... i can KINDA understand the more gruesome of the two... the first one. Dark, strange, new house... someone trying to break in, can't get to nathaniel, then nathaniel turning into something i don't even want to think about... i know where that came from. The image was from a movie commercial i saw on TV... a new horror flick. Something about an unborn twin haunting the born twin... i hate horror movies. i will never ever go see one... i went ONCE to one with justin, and i prayed that movie out of my memory as soon as i got home!!!! but i had a great evening... relaxing, fun with nathaniel, chick flick, sexy book... very NON-SCARY evening. so what gives? ugh... i truly believe it was satan trying to scare the pants off me and get to me while justin is away for the weekend. *sigh* i just wish he'd leave me the heck alone... EVERY TIME justin is gone and i'm alone in this stinking apartment, it happens... i don't sleep, i eat out of lonliness and boredom, and i have nightmares. *sigh* pray for me girls... my dreams often are the way Satan gets to me. I have a history of have HORRIBLE, gruesome, horror-movie-like dreams... when i was battling depression my Sr. year, while justin was in boot camp and i was alone at college, while i was pregnant, and ever since i was little, now that i think about it. Anyone else have dream problems? any advice to get them to GO AWAY? i'm troubled by them...

Thursday, December 25, 2008

In the Face of a Stranger...

Di went to wal-mart last night... yes, i am crazy. Wal-Mart? on Christmas Eve? Madness. But as i inched my way out of the parking lot after my 3 hour adventure, a man and woman stood at the intersection caught my eye... he was playing a guitar, and she was holding their dog and a sign that said "Merry Christmas". Usually Justin and i drive by, i say a prayer and leave it at that... Justin doesn't like to give them money because he thinks they'll just feed some addiction.

But i was alone with Nathaniel, it was Christmas Eve, and i was feeling pretty thankful for the blessing God had given me this year... so i wanted to pass it on. So as i drove up on the couple, i grabbed a $10 out of my billfold... and as i drove by, i leaned out my window awaiting the man to take the bill. And when he did, he looked straight into my eyes... he was young, and had a... "dashing" look to him, even through the dirt and greasy hair. He had a beard growing out, and a longer haircut reminded me of Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic), but what really stunned me was his eyes... they were the lightest blue, sky blue eyes that pierced through you... and when he said "Thank You..." i felt it... i got goosebumps all down my body and i was overcome with emotion. As i hurried along, and started down Jefferson Ave. toward my nice, warm, full apartment... i had trouble catching my breath and fighting tears. I prayed over and over for that man and woman...

Now, maybe i'm a easy catch for scammers... and maybe they'll go out and buy drinks and get drunk for Christmas with my money, or maybe they'll put it toward an ugly addiction... but maybe they won't. and if they do, God will deal with them, i did what i was supposed to do and i do not regret giving them my last $10. Maybe they had kids, maybe they'll go to IHOP or Wal Mart and get some new socks of gloves or blankets... i don't know... but it got me thinking about how TRULY blessed i am... not just with a son, and fancy things... but the small things. As i ate my meatloaf last night... i was thankful i could afford to make it, in a nice kitchen, in a nice apartment, dressed in warm clothes, in a warm apartment, while i watched TV, and played with my son who had clean diapers, and enough cereal and formula and warm, clean clothes....

and i'm thankful for God sending Jesus... He didn't have to, but He did, because He just loves us THAT much. And i'm not just blogging about this because i think i'm some great person because i gave to the poor... please don't misunderstand. This experience just really made me thankful, and made me change my mood... i was actually pretty bummed. Away from family, unable to afford much as far as gifts go... but you know, thats plenty. Why are gifts so dang important, anyway? i mean, ya they're nice, and i'm thankful for parents who spoiled us... but don't laughter, and quiet moments have any value anymore?

I'm just very thankful this Christmas... and i hope this made you think, and praise God also... God Bless you all, and Merry Christmas.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

let the rush begin!

oh my gosh... i am home and in full swing BUSY! :S I ended up missing my 6am flight, and had to wait around the airport for about 5 1/2 hours for another flight! :( UGH! But Nathaniel was a champ! and Justin was amazing as he worked to get me on another flight. :) I sure did marry a SuperMan! :)

Got into Iowa on Friday night and have had 2 Thanksgivings already, church, family time with justn's mom, a Maple Ridge church service, lots of leftover turkey sandwhiches, and hot chocolate at Smokey Row ALREADY! wow...

It snowed last night and all today though... :) i've loved it! though most everyone HERE wants me to take the snow to VA with me when i go back! ;) I certainly wouldn't mind! It would make everything feel a whole more like Christmas as well as get Justin out of work! ;)

but i hope to get a few more blog in while i'm here... maybe a few more that may be more poetic. :) God Bless!

Monday, November 24, 2008

3 days and counting!

well, not counting today (because it's almost over- 4pm) and not counting Friday (since i get there at 10am... early for me ;) we have 3 days til i fly home!

i am WAY excited! more excited i think than any other time... i think because of the season i get to go home during! i still feel really bad for justin... but i've had multiple friends from church tell me they'll have him over, and then he's spending lots of LONG DAYS on the ship... days where at the end, he just wants to come home and sleep... which i don't really let him do cuz i'm needy like that... and want MY time with him. :P lol But he's looking forward to the "guilt-free sleep" :) and i guess i'm looking forward to a little of that kind of time too... i'm hoping to be able to do some things while home and take advantage of the grandmas being there to babysit! :)

but yeah... i have a really full week! justin's gone all day today... most likely until 10pm (and he took the truck, which has the carseat base in it... so i can't run to wal mart like i wanted.), tomorrow i need to make a last run to WalMart before Thanksgiving and the trip home, and maybe take nathaniel to get checked out at the Doctor's... he's had a stuffy nose for over a week! :( poor baby. Then wednesday i'm throwing together most of the food i have to make for our dinner on Thanksgiving... cheesy potatoes, scalloped corn, veggies, rolls, green beans, butterfinger pizza, and a pie... i think thats all. :S along with getting all that ready to go, i need to get most of nathaniel and i's things ready and packed for our trip home, as THURSDAY i do not want to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off! i want to relax, watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade with my hubby and son, and enjoy finishing up the cooking and the dinner with friends. We have to be up and moving by 3:30am at the latest! out Flight takes off at 6am, so we have to check in by 5am, so have to leave the apartment by 4:30am at the latest! UGH!!!!!! i will be DEAD! then as soon as i get home i have a Thanksgiving that night with my dad's side of the family!

long week!!!!!!!! but i'm excited! i like being busy with family and friends! :) and i can't wait to be home for all the things leading up to Christmas... Family get-togethers for Thanksgiving, the home-town Christmas Parade, my grandma's church's women's Christmas thing, Advent, Maple Ridge's Christmas Party, and i hope SNOW!!! :)

Friday, November 21, 2008



ok, so this week... my hubby totally rocked and made me SO PROUD! :)
He had duty on tuesday... which means he had to go to work at about 6am but wouldn't be back until about 5pm the NEXT NIGHT! :( so on wednesday, i get a text saying to be ready to go out that night. I was all excited... any time we get out of the house is exciting to me! ;) So i asked him where we were going, and he wouldn't tell me... just to wear jeans and a nice shirt. Ok, whatev. So he gets home, i'm showered and about ready... we load up Nathaniel and leave. He drives to RedLobster... hmmmm, this is good. So we go in and order and such and are about 1/2 way through our meal when he smiles and asks, "Don't you have any idea WHY we went out tonight?" Honestly, i thought he'd just wanted to be sweet for me... and DID NOT question it! lol I just went along with it and enjoyed! So i think... ok, what's the date. No wedding ann, no significance at all... so i ask, "Did something happen on this date?" "Yeeeeeeeesssssss..." was all he said... i sat and thought and thought. NOTHING CAME TO MIND! so he bagan... "On November 19th... two-thousand... and eight... you became... MRS... AO3 Schaefer!"

for all you civilians ;) this means he passed his big test and got promoted to 3rd Class Petty Officer, a pretty good pay-raise, and a great acheivement! I was SOOO excited for him!!!! :D and he was SO PROUD! he was grinning from ear to ear! I LOVED seeing him like that!

Also... he's taking me on a date to the movie Twilight tonight... and i'm pretty dang excited! :)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

might start a little something new...

[sometimes i get in the mood where i just want to write, for the sake of writing... just to feel the keys under my fingers, just a little time to let my imagination go wild, a time to light my candles, put on my music, and write... maybe write some deeps thoughts that lead to nowhere, or maybe... i'll start writing some of my wonderings... the stories that go through my head when i listen to my songs. So... you don't have to read, but i'm gonna write what i see when i listen to my favorite songs that inspire me... so, here i go.]

The fall wind weaved itself through her auborn hair... twisting and twirling it into a frizzy do. The sun was setting, casting the last bit of warmth her way... a grin crept across her lips as she took a deep breath. She drove her big, rusty-red truck down the road, headed nowhere in particular. Her music played, a simple tune, about a boy, with guitar gently strumming behind soft drums and the singer's smooth voice. The song lifted into the wind, trailing behind the car, in the same rhythm... light and deep with emotion. She pulled over to the side of the road, next to a field of tall grass. It was the color of light sand... a beach out in the middle of her country. She sat, letting the song bring memories into her mind... pictures of smiles and innocent touches fill her. The warmth in her heart overflowed to make her grin into a full smile. She got out of her truck, feeling the warmth of the setting sun on her cheeks as she walked out into the field... drifting her fingers over the tops of the prickly grass.

He was wonderful... They'd parked right here 3 years ago to stargaze... his arm had draped over her shoulders, and she'd laid her head on him while laying in his truck bed. She could still smell him... nothing special, just the smell of his skin and his laundry detergent... but HIS smell, none-the-less. Now, she looked up into the blue sky as it darkened in shade... it was the color of his eyes... she searched it, the same way she'd searched his that night... searching for anything that might promise her forever. She'd prayed... in the moment he caught her looking at him and locked eyes. What she'd prayed, she couldn't pinpoint... it was as if everything spilled out in that one millisecond. all her fears, her wants, her needs, her dreams, her insecurities... had he read every one of those private thoughts in her eyes that night? He had to have... he'd known her better than anyone from that moment on... always fragile and vulnerable under his watch... as he cherished her.

She raised her arms above her head, seemingly to embrace the sky... the wind whipped around her, wrapping her in a warm embrace... and through time and distance... she knew he was thinking of her too. And she took comfort in that moment... as she stood hugging the sky, listening to her sweet song of magic from her truck radio... that he was thinking of her too for even one second... thats all she needed.

She took one more breath and dropped her arms around her. She turned and walked back to her truck as the song ended. She got in, closed the door, and drove away from her field. And a thousand miles away, he stood, frozen in the middle of his small apartment, in the middle of a cold and busy city that did not know him... feeling his heart stir at the thought of a girl who'd known him and loved him... and he felt her magic.


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Thing About Marriage...

You have people tell you over and OVER before you actually take that first step down the aisle "Marriage is hard sometimes..." or "Marriage is a lot of work..." but for some reason, we don't seem to register that fact. We may think "well, maybe it's work for YOU! but it won't be that hard for me!" and then when a day dawns where you're not feeling only warm and lovely feelings toward your spouse we seem blindsided and shocked! and we scramble through our memories for that moment where we lost that constant grin and anticipation and young feeling! WHAT WENT WRONG? WHAT DO I DO NOW????

a kiss is just a fleeting thought before leaving the house, and may go completely overlooked once they return... while when we first got together, EVERY kiss was a thrill and looked for and did things to our heart and body that had us earning for the next chance for our lips to meet... while NOW, we MIGHT get that feeling once a week... if we're lucky. Suddenly your spouse may not feel as interesting or mysterious as before, or as sweet or attentive. We may try to talk to him, maybe try to open some locked treasure of something we DIDN'T KNOW before... something new to learn... something so spark some new interest! but... maybe the things you learn weren't what you had in mind and only make you wonder... "did i know this man before i married him?" Not that you regret it at all... you still love him and can't imagine being with anyone else... you know he loves you too, he's provided for you, is faithful to you, and maybe has given you children. but... isn't there more than that? can't we get back to the beginning????

no, i suppose not... then how do we make love deep again? WE can read all the books we want... but what if nothing on their end changes? what if after WE try to fix our thinking, we still can't change the fact that sometimes... our feelings may not change.

This was just thinking... nothing to worry about justin and i... we are no worse off than any other couple learning that marriage indeed IS work... We are still in love, we are not fighting constantly, and we are continuing to pray for one another. :) we just had a heart-to-heart talk last night that got me thinking.

Monday, November 10, 2008

i am sooooooooooooo bored...

and excited! :) i feel extremely selfish though, being this excited about going home even when justin will be stuck on the ship and here alone. But i am seriously PUMPED! first off, we're totally surprising my grandpa and maybe my Mother in Law! AND maybe my best friend! lol I fly in at about 10am on Nov. 28th and then i have my VanZomeren side Thanksgiving that night, but before that i think i'll drive up and surprise my Mother in Law! :) i HOPE she doesn't already know... but we'll see. Then Sat. night my mom's side of the family is having their Thanksgiving get-together... and thats when i think we'll surprise my grandpa. HE WILL TOTALLY FREAK OUT! :D lol He is so depressed thinking that he won't see us til March, when nathaniel is a year old... and he's so obsessed with his great grandkids... he's even put a swing up in the middle of their living room, hanging it from the ceiling! lol So our plan is to while my grandpa is in his shop or in the basement, i'll come in and put nathaniel in the swing, and then i'll hide... and grandpa will see nathaniel in the swing and i'll come out and be like "SURPRISE!!!!!" HAHAHAHAHA!!!! cannot wait! Then i'm also gonna try to surprise my Mom in Law... just by walking into the house and being like "just wanted to stop by!" :D lol Then as far as my best friend knows i'm flying BACK to VA on Nov. 13th... the same day SHE is flying INTO iowa! LOL so i'm thinking i'm gonna try to go with whoever is picking her up or drive up and surprise HER too!!!! Cuz she's been begging me to extend my stay but i keep telling her it's just too expensive. YAY! i LOOOOOOOOOOVE surprisig people!

and along with all that, i get to go to BOTH of my family's Thanksgiving Get-Togethers, and Oskaloosa's Lighted Christmas Parade, AND my grandpa's birthday! :)

i can't help but feel bad for justin though... i feel so bad for him. He doesn't seem bothered with it though... he says he wants "guilt-free sleep" and time to himself before he's stuck on a ship. And he's never been as close to his family as i am to mine... not NEAR as close. Family is truly #2 to me (#1 is God) and to him... he's dived into the whole independent from family thing... his family is just really different than mine. It seems that once they graduate, they are on their own, free and encouraged to live their own lives apart from "home"... while me, i can never picture a life without my family right down the road... which to some, that seems like we haven't "cut the cord" or that i've been to sheltered in my life... but, i WANT my family in my back pocket... i WANT my family in all my business! My family is my foundation... they are the ones that lead me in my walk with Christ until i could walk on my own... they are the ones who stood by me and prayed for me when i was broken... and they are the ones that still soak in all the joy that is also in my life... my joy is their joy... my pain and frustration is theirs... and i love that. While when i look at justin... it just seems like he's just out there all on his own, except for me at his side... it's SO different from my family. But i desperately want to become more a part of their family... and i kinda hope that i can bring a little of the magic in MY family into theirs... It's gonna be an uphill battle i think... because i am so, SO different... but i think thats one of the reasons God placed me in this particular family, He knew i would at least try...

Saturday, November 8, 2008

MY HUBBY ROCKS... a day late.


Well, last night justin and i decided to take nathaniel out on a date! we had 2 Olive Garden gift cards, so went there... we had to wait for a seat for about 45 min, then once we got our seat nathaniel started getting fussy. i just don't think he liked sitting in his carrier... i think we're gonna have to start just carrying him, and letting him sit in a high chair thing. But so i took him and changed him, but we was still left unsatisfied... Justin inhaled his food, then once he was done, he took on the job of entertaining Nathaniel so that i could sit and enjoy my meal... he played with him, tried to show him how to color, went and mixed up some formula... i just thought it was SO SWEET of him to inhale his meal, so that i could enjoy mine.


another amazing thing he's done is this... i've been planning a trip home for the time period of while he would be out to sea. From the day after Thanksgiving to about the 13th. Well... the military changed their plans... and totally flip flopped the time he would be gone and the time i would be home. ugh! so my parents offered to pay for the change... and i was torn, because my Aunt had already planned to wait til i arrived to have our family Thanksgiving, and i also really wanted to take Nathaniel to the Osky Lighted Christmas parade... but i wanted to extend because otherwise i'd be home alone, but also i wanted to be home for my grandpa's birthday, and my best friend who now lives in Tennessee would be flying home on the 13th! ugh! SO... justin encourages me to just extend the trip, while keeping my arrival date. Thats a long trip! and that leaves him here alone for about a week and a 1/2. I was apprehensive about it... i felt bad for leaving him... but he was so sweet and just said, "i want you happy, and home makes you happy... if you have the chance to stay longer, you'll be happy longer"... LOL i told him that it's not like home is the only thing that makes me happy and that HE made me the happiest, but i understood what he was trying to say. :) He also said "I want everyone to see Nathaniel and how awesome he is! Go and enjoy!"... I think he's also wanting a little bit of time to just himself before he has to go live with 2300 other people and have NO privacy! :S but heck, I DON'T BLAME HIM!!! lol so i extended my stay at home. i'm pretty excited... :) and justin just makes me love him all the more when he's so selfless like that... you don't find that quality in men often. lol I love him so much. :)


Thursday, November 6, 2008

My mom's not calling me back fast enough!

so i'll kinda vent here! so... justin was supposed to go out to sea from Nov. 30th to about Dec. 8th. So i planned a trip home, courtesy of my parents for Nov. 28th through Dec. 13th. Excited... was able to get decent tickets from Norfolk to DesMoines... and i was super glad i would have to be here while Justin was gone! i HATE that... i get nervous and really lonely and easily depressed. no fun at all. But then today... justin comes home and informs me that they've changed the entire schedule!!!!! so now i'll be home for most of the time that he's gone out to sea! GRRRRRRR!!!! clear to the 20th of December!!!!! so now i'm debating on whether we should change my dates... though it will cost extra. :( so i don't know... i wanted to stay longer in the first place because my grandpa's birthday is on Dec 18th, but i didn't want to lose out on days i could spend with my hubby... especially if i'll be moving home in March (STILL not totally sure, but moving forward planning that way).

this is just so typical of the military too... they never stick to anything they say... they push you and pull you this way and that... breaking their word, making excuses... i'm just so sick of the military. And living here, i feel like i'm not supposed to say that or feel that way... all the wives i talk to "love" the military... me? i hate it... i hate everything about it... except the health care and pay checks. :P

i just don't know what to do... i'm mad, but i have no one to be mad AT... it's not like i can march in there and shake my finger at some captain and tell him all about how he messed up my schedule! :P and it's not justin's fault at all... he just tells me what they tell him! Anyways... i'm mad, i don't know what to do about my plane tickets, and my mom needs to call me so i can figure out what i should do. :S

Sunday, November 2, 2008

TV night...

Well, justin has been gone all day, and i've spent the entire night doing NOTHING. Justin had duty starting at 7am this morning, and will not be back home until tomorrow evening after work. ugh... hate these days/nights. i always freak myself out when bedtime comes around... i always think i hear something or see some shadow... eek. :S

I"m making a short trip home in late nov./early dec... justin is going out to sea for about 10 days, so i decided to fly home for about 2 weeks... but DON'T TELL ANYONE! We're making it a surprise for my grandparents. :) my grandpa will FREAK OUT when i walk in the day after Thanksgiving. :) i THINK i'm looking forward to it... i'm getting really worn out flying all the time though... i really wish that my family could come HERE... but i know it's just easier if i go there, more people can see me... bla bla bla. :P i'm just tired of packing up everything i need, and everything nathaniel needs... then hauling it all back and having it laying all over... i feel like i'm ALWAYS living out of a suitcase... whether i'm here, or there... and i hate running through the airport, and not having a car when i'm there, and worrying about justin maybe missing something... ugh! oh well... just part of the military-life, huh?

so... the election is upon us... i can't wait for it to be over! i'm not ashamed to say i've already voted for McCain... i went my MORALS, not my pocketbook. :) maybe i'll feel like listing all my reasons and asking for debate on Election Day... but not tonight... i'm feeling too lazy tonight... like every night mostly.

I have a whole list of things i SHOULD be doing. unloading the dishwasher, doing MORE dishes, folding the HUGE pile of clothes on my bedroom floor... but have i even TOUCHED those things???? NOOOOOOOOO!!!! ugh... i disgust myself... i don't know why i HATE doing those things so much... they are just so repetetive, and unappreciated. Justin doesn't notice... or at least he doesn't say anything if they are or are not done! he doesn't care! BUT... i need to kick my butt in gear and get to it... right Katy? :S so... in about 10 min. when my show is over, i'm gonna go pop some popcorn, get a movie, and go back to my bedroom and get to work. :P

... maybe. :P

Friday, October 31, 2008

my husband ROCKS!


This week my husband really touched my heart by talking to another woman. I had tried unsuccessfully to book a flight ticket online multiple times and was getting very frustrated. Nathaniel was crying, it was late, i was tired, i'm not sure about the trip i was booking in the first place... i just wanted it DONE. ANd the website wouldn't accept my card because it wasn't able to match the address i put in, and the address on my card... with all our moving, i'm not surprised, but i was grouchy. So justin graciously took my phone, and called the Costumer Services line... he was one the phone repeating numbers, dates, names for about 45 min. when the call was dropped. He was a tad put out, but just called back and got it all booked and paid for... not once getting frustrated with me... though i'm sure he was thinking "Why in the world can this NOT wait til tomorrow!?!?!?!" But as i sat there, watching him... i was just really thankful for him... his street smarts when it comes to dealing with stuff like this, and his willingness to help me. I just think he's awesome... as a husband and a daddy! :)


Monday, October 27, 2008

uneventful weekend...

well, nothing truly special happened this weekend. Justin had duty from 7am sat. morning to 7am sunday morning... so i bummed around the house with nathaniel who has a runny nose and a nasty cough. :( i've turned a Mister on in his room, and babied him... even spending a night out on the living room floor because he kept waking up and crying cuz he couldn't breath... poor baby. I had to suck out his poor little nose multiple times... and you can guess he HATED that! But i believe he is on the mend... he's sleeping a lot, so i think that helps.

Sunday morning rolled around and Justin was able to get home close to 9am... they often keep the guys as long as they can just cuz they like to throw around their authority. :P Nathaniel was still not himself, so we opted to stay at home and all rest instead of go to church. I hate doing that... but justin had had 2 4hr. watches over his duty day, so was very tired... and i didn't think it would be wise to take nathaniel to nursery with his cold. So i puttered around and babied my little one all morning, while justin got some much needed sleep. After he woke up we just kinda hung out... we went for a walk and played on a playground in our apartment complex for a little bit... we didn't want nathaniel to get too cold, so we played for only a short time. Came indoors and continued with our TV shows... i've become addicted to an HBO series "True Blood"... it's about Vampires, and rather gruesome... but it's interesting. And also "Army Wives" which is much more easy to watch! :)

Today i kicked myself into gear and cleaned my kitchen, did laundry, and got my tennis shoes out and went walking. :P I am reading "The Power of a Praying Wife" and have had quite a few revelations... gee and i thought i was perfect! ;) lol but i just never knew that God commanded us as wives to keep ourselves attractive, or COMMANDED us to keep a clean house. i mean, i knew you should do both... but they hold a little bit more power when you know that they're COMMANDMENTS FROM GOD! lol so i'm trying to get better at both. I tend to like just bumming around the apartment in my sweats and playing with nathaniel if i know i'm not going out and no one else will see me or the apartment other than justin. But yeah... so thats been my weekend. :)




Saturday, October 25, 2008

i've been TAGGED!?!?!!? ;)

I've been tagged to play the "5 THINGS GAME" by katy! :) So here goes... The rules are to write 5 things under each of the 5 headings, and then tag 5 other people.


10 years ago...

1.) i was 11 years old
2.) I was still being homeschooled by my momma!
3.) i was still in GEMS at my church
4.) i was just descovering crushes and suck things related to boys!
5.) I had a TIGGER themed bedroom! lol


5 Things on Today's "To-Do" List...

1.) Do dishes
2.) Email Jen
3.) Give nathaniel a bath
4.) Fold clothes in bedroom
5.) Make sure Justin knows he's the love of my life! :)

5 Snacks I Enjoy...

1.) Popcorn
2.) Carmel and Apples
3.) M&Ms
4.) Cheese, salami, and crackers
5.) Mint-Chip ice cream


5 Things I Would Do if I were a Millionaire!

1.) Pay off family's debt... (extended family too)
2.) Pay for college
3.) Buy a House
4.) Update Family farm buildings and equipment
5.) Travel

5 Places I Have Lived...

1.) 228th St. Oskaloosa, IA
2.) Orange City, IA
3.) Friendly Dr. Newport News, VA
4.) Saint Thomas Dr. Newport News, VA
5.).... those are the only places. :S


5 Jobs i've had/still have...

1.) Server at Frosty Udder
2.) Fareway Food Stores
3.) Olive Garden
4.) "In Corretta's Care" Daycare
5.) A Mother :) (this is my favorite job so far!)


5 People I'm Tagging!

1.) Dana from Paper Memories
2.) Ashley from Jaded Mission
3.) Britt from Quietly Chootic
4.) Breanne at Glimpse
5.) Jenell at Mama on a Mission


Kreative Blogger Award! :)

Well, i have been awarded a "kreative Blogger" award by Jenell which says i need to list 6 things i value, 6 things i don't, and the pass this award on to 6 other friends! thank you dear Jenell! :) makes me smile! SO... here goes!


Things I Value
1.) My persoanl relationship with Jesus Christ and His word.
2.) My amazing Hubby
3.) My precious son
4.) My extended family
5.) Chocolate
6.) Music

Things i DO NOT value
1.) The state of Virginia
2.) Angry music (the kind you can't understand)
3.) Dirty Dishes
4.) Bad traffic
5.) Long lines at Amusement Parks
6.) Weight Scales.

now for friends... i don't have many on here just yet, but oh well. :)

1.) Ashley at jaded mission (
2.) Britt at Quietly Chaotic (
3.) Dana at Paper Memories (

:) those are all the friends who haven't already been tagged! ;) Thanks!

Friday, October 24, 2008

My Husband ROCKS!

so this actually happened last weekend... but if i still remember it, so that must mean something. :) Last weekend, our church sunday school class had planned a trip to the Pumpkin Farm i mentioned in my last blog. We were to meet at the church at 9:30am and all drive the hour drive to the Pumpkin Farm! I was SOOOOO EXCITED! I was mostly anxious to go because it was a small taste of what Iowa was like... a FARM! :) But Justin had duty on Friday, which meant that he had to go to work at the normal time of 6am on friday morning but instead of coming home that evening, he had to stay all night and have a watch from 4am-8am, until about 8:30am on saturday! i was SO bummed... i figured Justin would just be too tired to go, and if we did go, he'd be complaining and grumbling the whole time about how tired he was... (and after the nights i've had with nathaniel, i honestly don't have much sympathy for him)... So come wednesday, i gently bring it up... and i brace myself for the grumbling... but justin surprises me.

"Well, i guess i'll just take some civilian clothes and just meet you at the church if i can't make it home by 9."

WHAT? No, "can't we just go another time?", "But i have duty, we can't go.", no "Can't you just go and i can stay home and sleep?" He smiled at my reaction, because i have to admit, i was rather shocked! Justin is the kind of man that NEEEEEEEDS his sleep... AT LEAST 8 hours of it! and he just doesn't get that over duty days. So his automatic willingness to happily go longer without sleep, OUT and about with other people before he got his rest, revealed to me how selfless he was being in this small act. :)

I was just really touched by how willing he was to go, even with lack of sleep. I appreciated this small, but significant act of kindness on his part... It meant a lot to me that he would gladly drag his sleepy behind to a pumpkin patch an hour away and force himself to be social... just for me! I was the one who so desperately wanted to go... and breath in that earthy smell and get cute pictures. I love him for these small things... :) He's pretty dang awesome.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

*DEEP BREATH* gotta love that autumn scent. Fall is my season... i love the colors, the weather, the holidays, the food... THIS is my time of year! always has been... especially at home.

i still love fall here, but back home... it's like magic... everything changes and everything good happens. Family seems to come together to help with the harvest, spending long nights out unloading the wagons and making sure the guys are kept full of warm food in "buckets". The smell of earth is in the air as you watch the combine make it's way across the field on the horizon, leaving a cloud of corn husks behind it. A special warmth creeps into your soul as you bundle up in warm, oversized sweatshirts, long socks, hats, and jeans... helped along by the hot cup of hot chocolate in your hand. The icey breeze is even welcome. In the distance, you hear the cheers from the football game, and the marching band's cadence... the excitement of the game hovering through the air and grows contagious through the small city. Thanksgiving is coming up... and you take the time to look at the harvest, at the accomplishment that the year before has brought... and you thank God.

i have a lot to thank God for this year... i have a good marriage about 2 years in, and i have a very happy and healthy son... i have a close relationship with my family, my best friends and i are closer, i have a nice apartment, and a running car. We're able to do some fun things like go to a Pumpkin Farm... for a little taste of hime. I'm a lot better off than some people i see here... so as much as i ache for home, for the real autumn season i've always loved... i am thankful



Wednesday, October 15, 2008

7 Random Things About MWA!

So Ashley tagged me, so i have to share 7 random things about me! this is gonna kinda be hard i think... i don't consider myself a very "random" person... lol

1.) I like Japanese Anime... drawings, videos... unless they deal with creepy demon stuff. :S but i think drawings are really cool.

2.) I like bulldogs. i think they are so funny, though not the cutest of dogs.

3.) I am scared of the dark... like seriously.

4.) I have considered being an Architect. I love looking at the structure and designs of houses... for fun, i look at house plans, and clip out pictures from "Decore" magazine. lol

5.) I am seriously addicted to Chocolate. Sometimes i will be at home and have a craving for it, and will tear the kitchen apart looking for ANYTHING CHOCOLATE!!!!! and oreo, a snickers bar, a chocolate chip granola bar, even just some chocolate milk... i just HAVE to have chocolate.

6.) I have very strong toe muscles... lol VERY RANDOM, i know! i can pinch justin and leave marks with my toes. :)

7.) I like very odd, poetic music... music that has a kind of different sound, different harmony, different beat... not totally weird, like not African tribe music or anything... like, most of my "weird" music picks i've first heard on anime movies. :) They're not Japanese either, just... English, but just a little unknown and different. :)

So there are my random things... :) And now i have to tag other people!




Dana has already been tagged, and ashley tagged me... so that all my friends! lol Thanks Ash! love you!

Friday, October 3, 2008


It's friday!!!!! :D let's celebrate our men, shall we???

*sigh* lets see, what wonderful thing has my hubby done this week? many things actually... theres him taking care of me while i was sick (like, seriously taking care of me.),to him fixing up an broken computer and being able to sell it so we would have money to buy groceries and gas this month (he spent many hours taking it apart, getting parts, putting it back together, then running abunch of programs for it and making it A LOT better than it was!), to him INSISTING i buy something for myself instead of something for nathaniel with my birthday money... he's just pretty much amazing.


i guess what got to me this week though was that he really took care of me while i was sick one morning... i'd been up from 2:30am to about 4:15am with nathaniel and was battling this HORRIBLE migraine, i was sick to my stomach and had this odd lightheaded feeling... and any light hurt my head SO BAD... so i'm laying in bed trying to get back to sleep for about 45min. until his alarm went off at 5am for work... he wakes up and automatically flips on the light... i groan. He turns to me and asks what wrong, i tell him and he gets up right away and gets me some ibprofen and some water and a thermometer. He comes in and gives me the meds. and takes my temp... then proceeds to get a cool rag and lay it over my forehead and eyes... WHAT A SWEETIE! :) Right about then nathaniel starts to wake up, crying of course... but he just tells me to stay in bed, and he goes and changes nathaniel's diaper and makes him a bottle of formula... he's doing all this while he's SUPPOSED to be getting ready for work! what a good hubby! i ended up having to get up and keep an eye on nathaniel while he played anyway, but justin couldn't just call in sick to work with the Navy! :S lol but right away when he got off, he called and checked up on me, even after emailing me from work telling me he loved me. :)

i really got blessed when i found this man! :)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

SLeeP DePriVaTion...

oh my gosh... i seriously don't think i've had one, FULL night's sleep since nathaniel was born, though not all of it is his fault... i have the terrible habit of staying awake until the ungodly hours of the morning... but dang, would it kill the kid to sleep past 5am?????? and when he wakes up, it's not like i can feed him, and put him back to sleep in his crib, OH NO! he eats, then is on the go! he won't play in his crib, just scream... he won't lay in his swing and fall asleep, just starts turning in circles and ends up climbing out (yes, i'm serious... 6 month old dare devil on my hands here... he seriously turns around in his travel swing- that is very low to the ground- and slides out to the floor)... he won't play in his jumper, maybe for 5-10min. but then he wants out and LETS YOU KNOW IT!!!! He wants to be on the floor exploring!!!!! which, i can't just fall asleep and let him do! there are things he can get into... so i get up at 5am (after only about 2-5 hours of sleep) and have to sit up and keep an eye on him until he gets tired and needs his early morning nap... then i am finally able to get a nap too! but this is a problem on a day like today... i have MOPS at 9:30am... but i need to be there ahead of time, and i have to shower and get dressed... so i have to start getting around at about 8am... and THATS about the time nathaniel decides to chill and take a little nap! UGH!!!!! plus i'm sick... or something... i've had a headache for about 5 days straight, and i've been having dizzy, lightheaded spells, and also been a little queasy... which i fully intend on asking my doctor about on tuesday.

but anyway... i love being a mom, but i would REALLY love being a mom if it included even 6 hours of solid, deep sleep... which i think i'll MAKE happen this weekend. It's my birthday on sat. anyway... so justin can dang-well get up and take care of nathaniel! HA!!! I know he will anyway... he's sweet like that. ;) Well, nathaniel is actually fussing now, so maybe he's ready for a nap EARLY!!!!!! :D

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

*Award Acceptance*

Well, my sweet friend Katy awarded me a blog award! i haven't been on here long, but i've enjoyed SO MUCH getting to know her, and many other friends better through their blogs! :D i live in Virginia, and so most of my friends live in iowa... so i miss out on lunches and get-togethers. But THANK YOU, Katy! I feel so special to know you consider me a good friend!


This award comes with a questionnaire:

1. Do you have the same friends since childhood?
Some... i have one friend whose parent's went to the same birthing class that my parents went to! I was homeschooled though, so i didn't have a TON of friends, but the friends i did have are still dear to me, yes and i keep tabs on them. :)

2. What do you value most about your friends?
I value friends who are honest, and take the time a good friendship demands. i love friends who understand the idea of "give and take"... i also value easy-going attitudes in my friends... i hate drama!

3. Are your friends your sounding boards?
All the time! i'm very indecisive... and a second guesser. :S i need the wisdom of my friends in a lot of big decision i make.

4. What is your favorite activity to share with your friends?
Watching movies, singing, and eating... :) i love friendships that are so comfortable you can sit and watch pointless TV and movies with... not saying anything, not forcing any kind of conversation, just sitting and relaxing... yet when you go your separate ways, you feel like you've still sat down and poured your heart out to them...

I'm also supposed to share this award with 4 other friends... :)

Ashley, at Jaded Mission
Dana, at Paper Memories
Britt, at Quietly Chaotic
Breanne, at Glimpse

LOVE YOU LADIES!!!!! Thank you again, Katy! You are all so special to me!

Monday, September 29, 2008

big girl, grown up decision...

well, justin and i are thinking about me moving home. it's a HUGE, scary decision... but we think it may be whats best for our little famiy. for many reason...

1.) save money- we are pretty much broke after bills every 2 weeks, so we haven't been able to save and we can't even think about paying for school! and we're scared of the financial situation we'd be in if we go home after Justin gets out of the Navy with nothing saved. We'd have to live with my family (7 people in my little house... eek!), and we'd BOTH have to find jobs, we'd BOTH have to figure out school, and we'd be rushing to try to find a house to buy or we'd have to move yet again into an apartment. So, if our math is right... if i move home we can save over $50,000 over the 3 year period.

2.) My Education- with nathaniel, it's pretty much impossible for me to go to school with a Music Major. There are just too many things i need to be involved in... choir, band, and private lessons mostly. I can't do those things online! :( To do this, we'd have to put nathaniel in childcare and 1.) we don't have the money and 2.) i don't really like the... attitude? i find in many places here. :S

3.) Foundation- especially with the economy going the way it is, we fill it's important for us to have a strong foundation when we move home... and with no jobs, no schooling, no house, and no savings... it wouldn't be a pretty picture. So if i move home that far ahead of time, it would give me plenty of time to get an established job, finish school (or at least almost finish), and possibly find a house and start getting that process rolling toward buying it... or possibly start building a house!

4.) At home i am free to be involved in things i love, like church things. Being here, i'm not a "Member" of a church because i want to keep my membership at my home church in Iowa, so it makes it's hard to be a part of a church choir, or a praise and worship team, or even work in nursery. But at home, in my home church, i can do whatever i want, and my pastor and others really WANT me!!!! where here, no one knows me or has seen my spiritual walk with Christ... but everyone back home has known me all my life! and with my family right there able and willing to help with nathaniel... while here, i know NO ONE and don't know any contacts to get done what i need to get done... i have to map quest EVERYWHERE... so being at home is just easier for me to get things done. i know that may seem small, but to me... it's important. i feel handicapped... and i hate just sitting at home ALL DAY, EVERY DAY... i get depressed a lot, and i'm always SO emotional, and i depend way too much on poor justin... i've become someone who can't do anything without HIM holding my hand! and i've become very anti-social...

so all-in-all... i just don't like who i am here, and i don't know how to change it. If i was able to go to school, i think it would be a WHOLE LOT BETTER, but it's almost impossible to do. :(

Some people i've talked to at home first questioned justin and i's marriage... WE ARE FINE!!!!! :) i get so frustrated with people assuming the worse. and thats one thing i would HATE about going home... i think that people would assume we were splitting up and talk behind my back... and i don't do well with that. another bad thing about moving home is justin would miss out on things with nathaniel... and possibly baby #2. :( but we think that nathaniel and baby #2 would be way too young to remember daddy not being there... ya know? he'd be home by the time nathaniel is 4... not even that late, but he'd be there for all the Christmas programs, and school concerts, and T-Ball games... so he'd be there in every memory they would have. but we just keep thinking that we may have to sacrifice such things NOW, in order to secure a safe future for our little family LATER. And i believe in our marriage... and i have faith in Justin that he would be faithful... i can't help but be insecure (thanks to ex's!!!! :P ) but he has never given me a reason NOT to trust him. He is just as decided as i am to make this marriage last no matter what may come our way! We love each other to no end... and i know he would be faithful... and i'd be too busy to even THINK about it! haha! :) besides... i love my husband so much... i'd never want to hurt him, and i don't want to lose him.

*sigh* big decision, but i think we've pretty much decided... i'm just waiting for that absolute stamp of approval from God... i feel peace about it, just nervous i think... it's a HUGE step of faith. Any thoughts are appreciated... I just had to kinda get this off my chest tonight... i can't seem to stop praying/thinking about it... and i just keep running in circles in my head about it... nights are the worst... all i can do is lay in bed and pray... which is good, but i ALWAYS second guess my thoughts and feelings... *GRRRRRRRRRR...* I'm just sick of thinking about it and sick of worrying about it... and i'm the kind of person where i want to make a decision, make a plan, put it into action, and stick to it! i wish God would just write what to do on the wall... or send me a quick E-mail. :S

Thanks for listening... i mean, reading. :)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

6 months!

well, went and got nathaniel's 6 month shots done... i was so proud of my boy!!!!! we didn't squirm, kick, or scream... he whimpered, and cried only when he actually got stuck... but he was so brave and strong! :) he is now peacefully taking a nap in his swing. I'm so proud of him!

Justin is gone and on the ship... he left yesterday morning, and will be back tonight. Then he'll have to leave again this week for another fast cruise. I HATE staying here alone... Just about died last night from a heart attack too!!!! i was laying in bed, reading and had the TV on for noise, when my bedroom door blew open and then slammed shut again with a huge BANG! i had left the sliding glass door open in the living room because the breeze was slightly chilly but made our apartment feel PERFECT! :) didn't help with making me feel any safer, but... i'm working on praying through that fear, so left it open. But oh my gosh! freaked me right out when i saw the door start to open out of the corner of my eye!!!

he'll be gone a lot in the next few months... over 2 weeks anyway. ugh... i'm NOT looking forward to it at all.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

a weekend come and gone...

well we had a BIG weekend for us! :) The pictures went GREAT! :) nathaniel was ADORABLE (as usual) and we got out of there only spending $25! granted, i didn't get near as many pics as i WANTED, but we got what we needed... a few for grandparents, one of nate for us, and one of all three of us for us. :) The pics are actually going to be available to us for the next 6 months online, so when we have enough money we'll go back and buy others and the grandparents can go and buy oodles of them! :) lol i was raelly happy with them though! :)

then today our new church had their annual "LibertyFest", a HUGE church picnic pretty much... but this is a church of between 3000 and 5000 people, so they had like, 12 big inflateable "games" and slides and stuff, classic cars parked to look at, boats from Bass Pro Shop on display, exoctic birds at a booth from a bet store or something for the kids to look at, catered buffet of fried chicken and sides, then a HUGE giveaway of up to $400 Wal-Mart giftcards, up to $500 gas cards, gift certificates to every nice restaurant in the area, a camper, and a all-expense-paid Cruise for 2... i had my fingers crossed for the cruise. :( but we didn't win anything. Oh well... it was still really fun! it's a huge change though from my little church's "church picnic"! i miss knowing everyone in my church, but we met some new people today so thats good. :)

now we're just hanging out at home... relaxing, doing laundry, gonna eat supper soon... it's been a good weeekend... :)

Saturday, September 20, 2008


so... nathaniel will be 6 months old tomorrow! i can hardly believe it... the time has TRULY just gone by in the blink of an eye! We have never had professional pictures taken of him, so we decided that we better get that done! though we not quite sure how we'll afford it, i'm sure a kidney will suffice. ;) lol but i'm excited to have some done of him... he's just such a CUTIE!!!! plus we're gonna have some family pictures done of all three of us... THAT has me a bit more nervous!!!!! i've yet to completely lose all my "baby fat" and i've just never been one to LOVE what i see in the mirror... but i'm sucking it up and doing it. I know i'll be glad i did in the future. Plus my mom was simply awesome and let me buy a top on her... with my body changing so much from week to week it seems, it's hard to keep up... plus we all needed to match-kinda-sorta... so that was a problem. But i think we found a top for me that is flattering, mom-modest, stylish, and matches the boys. :) I found a $10 gift card to Babies R Us so we were also able to get nathaniel a nice baby-botton down. :D SO ADORABLE!!!!!!! *sigh* he just looks like such a big boy in it!!!

but anyways... i'm showered and have my hair done... all i have to do is do my makeup and get in my outfit, get nathaniel dressed, and fed and then we're off!!!! I'm SO nervous!!!!! i wish my mom were here to make sure i'm not getting ripped off and that i'm doing everything right, and i wish chuck (carly- my sister) were here to make sure we all look good! lol anyways... better get to moving! :S eek!

Monday, September 15, 2008


so i'm a Christian... have been my entire life... i believe the Bible as fact, and have seen God work in my life in real and tangible ways. I am also a very... peaceful person... i do not debate... and i HATE confrontation. So recently i read a friend of mine's "note" on facebook... and she was simply sharing Peter's story about when he walked out onto the water, yet when he took his eyes off Jesus, he started to sink, and when Jesus took his hand he was brought upright once again... and she just said that that really reflected her life right now... how she really saw in her life how when she took her eyes off Jesus, things tend to go down hill, but when she continues to look to God, things just feel more peaceful. Her family attended my church for a lot of years, until her parents divorced... but i still know them all. Well her older brother, Tyler got on there and kinda tore it to pieces... just demeaned her insight into her faith... kinda pissed me off. This girl's been through A LOT, and i thought it was beautiful to see her writing a public "note" about her spiritual life. He asked her what kind of things Jesus could do that anyone else couldn't do for her? So i pointed out that i was pretty sure no one I knew would/could die on a cross and raise themselves from the dead to grant me eternal salvation and a place in heaven... and i also quoted Hebrews 11:1 which says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." because one of his points was that anything in the world can be explained by logic and reason... except the idea of God and Jesus being a real person. Well, that got him going!!!!! He is now all over my tale about how the Bible isn't a "credible source of history" and how the blessing i pointed out in my life could have happened without God's help and how he thinks it's foolish to "reject" reason and logic and just believe in some invisible and omnipotent God. I hate debates... and then he says some stupid comment about how Hebrews 11:1 is like saying that if he really believes that there is a "purple unicorn" in his closet than it MUST be true because he says so... no matter what the facts or evidence. UGH!!!!!!! i'm NOT the person to freaking DEBATE with people about this!!!! God shouldn't HAVE to prove Himself!!!! It makes me angry and very sad... i SHOULD be asleep, but i couldn't stop thinking about it... so i prayed, and ended up crying because i don't want to fail... i want to beat him! i want to prove to him that Jesus is REAL! but i don't know HOW without using God's own word! my only comeback is that i'm pretty sure that "purple unicorn" of his didn't have a book talking all about him for thousands of years! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

plus i've just got SO MUCH other... CRAP on my mind... heavy, big people choices to make... and i can't seem to shut down my brain... and i can't see the future... so that doesn't help at all... :P

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Can't Book Series Just Go On Forever???

So i'm a reader... i have a book shelf FULL, i mean PACKED 2 rows deep on every shelf of books... i have to have SOMETHING to read at all times... i prefer series, though i think i have a hard time with series ENDING. lol I first noticed the deep attachment that i seem to develop with series when i read the Kids Left Behind series... i literally bawled when the series ended. Then more recently i read through all the books that Phillippa Gregory wrote on the wives of Henry VIII (though technically not a series) and i seemed to have a empty and unsettled feeling when i came to the last book, not because of the way the series ended, but that they ended at all and that i was left with no more fluid reading material. :S And now... i find mysefl almost frantic for December to come for the Twilight Movie to come out because i just finished the last Twilight book... and i am searching all over Google for pictures from the movie! i have a sickness. i am an adict!!! I am hooked fast, and seem to live and breath the book i am reading, and then when the supply to my addiction is suddenly cut off i am always left unsatisfied, no matter what the ending! Then i go through almost panicy withdrawls! and i scramble for my next "hit" or series! lol

i wish there was a support group for this. :P

Friday, September 12, 2008

My Husband Rocks!

saw this on a girlfriend's blog, and want to join the fun! i agree that in these days that marriages are viewed as work, as something you get stuck in, wives seen as the "ball and chain"... well, there are still sweet moments every now and then. :)

this week justin and i had some ups and downs... we're battling some big, grown up decisions. But one night this week, he came home from work and i was already making supper in the kitchen. He proceeded to play with nathaniel and play on his XBox a little, and randomly he comes into the kitchen, kisses my cheek, and just kinda smiles at me while he grabs a drink. I asked him, "What?" and he just stops to stand next to me and the counter, and simple-like states "You're just amazing." and walks back to the living room.

it's just nice to know that he sees me that way... sometimes you start to feel like the lamp in the corner of the room when you've been married for awhile... like you're just THERE... so it's nice to be reminded that you're something special to him. :)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Brace yourselves! Here We Go!

well, i love to blog... but we'll see how this goes. When it comes to blogs, because of my passion to write in general, sometimes i lose sight of the line that's drawn between "blog material" and "too personal"... but my hope is that here, on a site dedicated to blogs alone, that maybe i won't have to think about that... that i can just write... nothing TOO personal, i assure you, but just personal enough to actually be able to write about whats on my heart, get it off my chest, and maybe just be able to think some stuff though... we'll see...

but at this moment... i'm content... i miss my family, and i wish i were with them... but i have my husband, and i have my son... and i adore them both. I am blessed beyond my understanding in them... we can pay our bills, we have clothes to cover our backs, we have food in our cupboards, we have a comfortable and safe home(safe enough... not as safe feeling as IOWA, but...), and we are healthy... and i feel fulfilled in my faith in my Savior and in my "occupation" as a mom and wife at the moment... guess, i'm just along for the ride. :)