bad dreams...

ugh... it's almost 11pm and i'm dredding going to sleep. I had the hardest time getting to sleep at all last night because of an unplanned, and untimely nap nathaniel and i took from about 7pm to 9:30pm! :S so we were both up and happy til about 2am, and i finally crawled into bed at about 3am, with a chick flick on for noise (since i was alone at home), and my most recent fiction reading material, The Bridges Of Madison County. So i lay there, planning to read til i doze off, my usual routine... 1/2 watching The Wedding Date... cute, light-hearted, funny, romantic. So i FINALLY doze off around 4 or 5am... then JERK awake not 20 minutes later due to a terrifying dream! i lay there, alone, trying to get the horrendous images out of my mind... a task i've yet to fully accomplish. i calm myself... trying to pray and assure myself that everything is peaceful. I doze off again, and this time i sleep maybe for an hour... but again wake up with a start because i was being attacked by a freakishly large locus or grasshopper in my dream while riding a bike to take Coffee Cake to my Sunday School class! Can you say STRANGE?????

so now i'm sitting here... trying to fill my head with GOOD things, yet drinking a full glass of Mountain Dew. I don't know if i want to sleep... i can sleep fine during the day, on the couch, cuddled up with nathaniel... which is what we did this afternoon for about 2 hours... and Justin will be home at some point tomorrow. I hope early... and then i can sleep in peace.

i'm just wondering where the heck those dreams came from... i can KINDA understand the more gruesome of the two... the first one. Dark, strange, new house... someone trying to break in, can't get to nathaniel, then nathaniel turning into something i don't even want to think about... i know where that came from. The image was from a movie commercial i saw on TV... a new horror flick. Something about an unborn twin haunting the born twin... i hate horror movies. i will never ever go see one... i went ONCE to one with justin, and i prayed that movie out of my memory as soon as i got home!!!! but i had a great evening... relaxing, fun with nathaniel, chick flick, sexy book... very NON-SCARY evening. so what gives? ugh... i truly believe it was satan trying to scare the pants off me and get to me while justin is away for the weekend. *sigh* i just wish he'd leave me the heck alone... EVERY TIME justin is gone and i'm alone in this stinking apartment, it happens... i don't sleep, i eat out of lonliness and boredom, and i have nightmares. *sigh* pray for me girls... my dreams often are the way Satan gets to me. I have a history of have HORRIBLE, gruesome, horror-movie-like dreams... when i was battling depression my Sr. year, while justin was in boot camp and i was alone at college, while i was pregnant, and ever since i was little, now that i think about it. Anyone else have dream problems? any advice to get them to GO AWAY? i'm troubled by them...

In the Face of a Stranger...

Di went to wal-mart last night... yes, i am crazy. Wal-Mart? on Christmas Eve? Madness. But as i inched my way out of the parking lot after my 3 hour adventure, a man and woman stood at the intersection caught my eye... he was playing a guitar, and she was holding their dog and a sign that said "Merry Christmas". Usually Justin and i drive by, i say a prayer and leave it at that... Justin doesn't like to give them money because he thinks they'll just feed some addiction.

But i was alone with Nathaniel, it was Christmas Eve, and i was feeling pretty thankful for the blessing God had given me this year... so i wanted to pass it on. So as i drove up on the couple, i grabbed a $10 out of my billfold... and as i drove by, i leaned out my window awaiting the man to take the bill. And when he did, he looked straight into my eyes... he was young, and had a... "dashing" look to him, even through the dirt and greasy hair. He had a beard growing out, and a longer haircut reminded me of Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic), but what really stunned me was his eyes... they were the lightest blue, sky blue eyes that pierced through you... and when he said "Thank You..." i felt it... i got goosebumps all down my body and i was overcome with emotion. As i hurried along, and started down Jefferson Ave. toward my nice, warm, full apartment... i had trouble catching my breath and fighting tears. I prayed over and over for that man and woman...

Now, maybe i'm a easy catch for scammers... and maybe they'll go out and buy drinks and get drunk for Christmas with my money, or maybe they'll put it toward an ugly addiction... but maybe they won't. and if they do, God will deal with them, i did what i was supposed to do and i do not regret giving them my last $10. Maybe they had kids, maybe they'll go to IHOP or Wal Mart and get some new socks of gloves or blankets... i don't know... but it got me thinking about how TRULY blessed i am... not just with a son, and fancy things... but the small things. As i ate my meatloaf last night... i was thankful i could afford to make it, in a nice kitchen, in a nice apartment, dressed in warm clothes, in a warm apartment, while i watched TV, and played with my son who had clean diapers, and enough cereal and formula and warm, clean clothes....

and i'm thankful for God sending Jesus... He didn't have to, but He did, because He just loves us THAT much. And i'm not just blogging about this because i think i'm some great person because i gave to the poor... please don't misunderstand. This experience just really made me thankful, and made me change my mood... i was actually pretty bummed. Away from family, unable to afford much as far as gifts go... but you know, thats plenty. Why are gifts so dang important, anyway? i mean, ya they're nice, and i'm thankful for parents who spoiled us... but don't laughter, and quiet moments have any value anymore?

I'm just very thankful this Christmas... and i hope this made you think, and praise God also... God Bless you all, and Merry Christmas.

let the rush begin!

oh my gosh... i am home and in full swing BUSY! :S I ended up missing my 6am flight, and had to wait around the airport for about 5 1/2 hours for another flight! :( UGH! But Nathaniel was a champ! and Justin was amazing as he worked to get me on another flight. :) I sure did marry a SuperMan! :)

Got into Iowa on Friday night and have had 2 Thanksgivings already, church, family time with justn's mom, a Maple Ridge church service, lots of leftover turkey sandwhiches, and hot chocolate at Smokey Row ALREADY! wow...

It snowed last night and all today though... :) i've loved it! though most everyone HERE wants me to take the snow to VA with me when i go back! ;) I certainly wouldn't mind! It would make everything feel a whole more like Christmas as well as get Justin out of work! ;)

but i hope to get a few more blog in while i'm here... maybe a few more that may be more poetic. :) God Bless!

3 days and counting!

well, not counting today (because it's almost over- 4pm) and not counting Friday (since i get there at 10am... early for me ;) we have 3 days til i fly home!

i am WAY excited! more excited i think than any other time... i think because of the season i get to go home during! i still feel really bad for justin... but i've had multiple friends from church tell me they'll have him over, and then he's spending lots of LONG DAYS on the ship... days where at the end, he just wants to come home and sleep... which i don't really let him do cuz i'm needy like that... and want MY time with him. :P lol But he's looking forward to the "guilt-free sleep" :) and i guess i'm looking forward to a little of that kind of time too... i'm hoping to be able to do some things while home and take advantage of the grandmas being there to babysit! :)

but yeah... i have a really full week! justin's gone all day today... most likely until 10pm (and he took the truck, which has the carseat base in it... so i can't run to wal mart like i wanted.), tomorrow i need to make a last run to WalMart before Thanksgiving and the trip home, and maybe take nathaniel to get checked out at the Doctor's... he's had a stuffy nose for over a week! :( poor baby. Then wednesday i'm throwing together most of the food i have to make for our dinner on Thanksgiving... cheesy potatoes, scalloped corn, veggies, rolls, green beans, butterfinger pizza, and a pie... i think thats all. :S along with getting all that ready to go, i need to get most of nathaniel and i's things ready and packed for our trip home, as THURSDAY i do not want to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off! i want to relax, watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade with my hubby and son, and enjoy finishing up the cooking and the dinner with friends. We have to be up and moving by 3:30am at the latest! out Flight takes off at 6am, so we have to check in by 5am, so have to leave the apartment by 4:30am at the latest! UGH!!!!!! i will be DEAD! then as soon as i get home i have a Thanksgiving that night with my dad's side of the family!

long week!!!!!!!! but i'm excited! i like being busy with family and friends! :) and i can't wait to be home for all the things leading up to Christmas... Family get-togethers for Thanksgiving, the home-town Christmas Parade, my grandma's church's women's Christmas thing, Advent, Maple Ridge's Christmas Party, and i hope SNOW!!! :)

MY HUSBAND ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF!

ok, so this week... my hubby totally rocked and made me SO PROUD! :)
He had duty on tuesday... which means he had to go to work at about 6am but wouldn't be back until about 5pm the NEXT NIGHT! :( so on wednesday, i get a text saying to be ready to go out that night. I was all excited... any time we get out of the house is exciting to me! ;) So i asked him where we were going, and he wouldn't tell me... just to wear jeans and a nice shirt. Ok, whatev. So he gets home, i'm showered and about ready... we load up Nathaniel and leave. He drives to RedLobster... hmmmm, this is good. So we go in and order and such and are about 1/2 way through our meal when he smiles and asks, "Don't you have any idea WHY we went out tonight?" Honestly, i thought he'd just wanted to be sweet for me... and DID NOT question it! lol I just went along with it and enjoyed! So i think... ok, what's the date. No wedding ann, no significance at all... so i ask, "Did something happen on this date?" "Yeeeeeeeesssssss..." was all he said... i sat and thought and thought. NOTHING CAME TO MIND! so he bagan... "On November 19th... two-thousand... and eight... you became... MRS... AO3 Schaefer!"

for all you civilians ;) this means he passed his big test and got promoted to 3rd Class Petty Officer, a pretty good pay-raise, and a great acheivement! I was SOOO excited for him!!!! :D and he was SO PROUD! he was grinning from ear to ear! I LOVED seeing him like that!

Also... he's taking me on a date to the movie Twilight tonight... and i'm pretty dang excited! :)

might start a little something new...

[sometimes i get in the mood where i just want to write, for the sake of writing... just to feel the keys under my fingers, just a little time to let my imagination go wild, a time to light my candles, put on my music, and write... maybe write some deeps thoughts that lead to nowhere, or maybe... i'll start writing some of my wonderings... the stories that go through my head when i listen to my songs. So... you don't have to read, but i'm gonna write what i see when i listen to my favorite songs that inspire me... so, here i go.]

The fall wind weaved itself through her auborn hair... twisting and twirling it into a frizzy do. The sun was setting, casting the last bit of warmth her way... a grin crept across her lips as she took a deep breath. She drove her big, rusty-red truck down the road, headed nowhere in particular. Her music played, a simple tune, about a boy, with guitar gently strumming behind soft drums and the singer's smooth voice. The song lifted into the wind, trailing behind the car, in the same rhythm... light and deep with emotion. She pulled over to the side of the road, next to a field of tall grass. It was the color of light sand... a beach out in the middle of her country. She sat, letting the song bring memories into her mind... pictures of smiles and innocent touches fill her. The warmth in her heart overflowed to make her grin into a full smile. She got out of her truck, feeling the warmth of the setting sun on her cheeks as she walked out into the field... drifting her fingers over the tops of the prickly grass.

He was wonderful... They'd parked right here 3 years ago to stargaze... his arm had draped over her shoulders, and she'd laid her head on him while laying in his truck bed. She could still smell him... nothing special, just the smell of his skin and his laundry detergent... but HIS smell, none-the-less. Now, she looked up into the blue sky as it darkened in shade... it was the color of his eyes... she searched it, the same way she'd searched his that night... searching for anything that might promise her forever. She'd prayed... in the moment he caught her looking at him and locked eyes. What she'd prayed, she couldn't pinpoint... it was as if everything spilled out in that one millisecond. all her fears, her wants, her needs, her dreams, her insecurities... had he read every one of those private thoughts in her eyes that night? He had to have... he'd known her better than anyone from that moment on... always fragile and vulnerable under his watch... as he cherished her.

She raised her arms above her head, seemingly to embrace the sky... the wind whipped around her, wrapping her in a warm embrace... and through time and distance... she knew he was thinking of her too. And she took comfort in that moment... as she stood hugging the sky, listening to her sweet song of magic from her truck radio... that he was thinking of her too for even one second... thats all she needed.

She took one more breath and dropped her arms around her. She turned and walked back to her truck as the song ended. She got in, closed the door, and drove away from her field. And a thousand miles away, he stood, frozen in the middle of his small apartment, in the middle of a cold and busy city that did not know him... feeling his heart stir at the thought of a girl who'd known him and loved him... and he felt her magic.

The Thing About Marriage...

You have people tell you over and OVER before you actually take that first step down the aisle "Marriage is hard sometimes..." or "Marriage is a lot of work..." but for some reason, we don't seem to register that fact. We may think "well, maybe it's work for YOU! but it won't be that hard for me!" and then when a day dawns where you're not feeling only warm and lovely feelings toward your spouse we seem blindsided and shocked! and we scramble through our memories for that moment where we lost that constant grin and anticipation and young feeling! WHAT WENT WRONG? WHAT DO I DO NOW????

a kiss is just a fleeting thought before leaving the house, and may go completely overlooked once they return... while when we first got together, EVERY kiss was a thrill and looked for and did things to our heart and body that had us earning for the next chance for our lips to meet... while NOW, we MIGHT get that feeling once a week... if we're lucky. Suddenly your spouse may not feel as interesting or mysterious as before, or as sweet or attentive. We may try to talk to him, maybe try to open some locked treasure of something we DIDN'T KNOW before... something new to learn... something so spark some new interest! but... maybe the things you learn weren't what you had in mind and only make you wonder... "did i know this man before i married him?" Not that you regret it at all... you still love him and can't imagine being with anyone else... you know he loves you too, he's provided for you, is faithful to you, and maybe has given you children. but... isn't there more than that? can't we get back to the beginning????

no, i suppose not... then how do we make love deep again? WE can read all the books we want... but what if nothing on their end changes? what if after WE try to fix our thinking, we still can't change the fact that sometimes... our feelings may not change.

This was just thinking... nothing to worry about justin and i... we are no worse off than any other couple learning that marriage indeed IS work... We are still in love, we are not fighting constantly, and we are continuing to pray for one another. :) we just had a heart-to-heart talk last night that got me thinking.