Justin made it to the airport and into the air ok today... it was really messy actually, but they made it. First they're plane got delayed, then it got changed to a later flight, then that wasn't good enough, so they changed AIRPORTS!!!!! They finally got into the air at about 12noon i think. They are well on there way to California, where they will be taken to the USS Nimitz and leave on Friday.
I've been kind of a mess all day... i don't want to DO anything... i just want to lay around and miss him and daydream of him and envision our reunion. I already can't wait! i just can't seem to wrap my mind around the things he'll miss... Christmas... our Wedding Ann....without my husband? it's just not right... and no matter what my family does to fill the void... or how many "Girl Nights" i fill my schedule with... it won't fix it... it won't make the ache go away...
unless you're a military spouse... or have spent MONTHS away from your husband... you can't begin to understand what THIS is... i feel like 1/2 my brain is gone, i can't even think straight. Everything is missing SOMETHING... in a room FULL of fun, and loving people i still feel like i am standing alone... looking around for what is missing... but i know what is missing. And nights are just endless... i can't sleep unless i'm EXHAUSTED... and even when i have the whole bed to myself... i fill it with pillows, or bring Nathaniel into my bed just to fill it. I think about him... about being with him... having him curled up beside me... and it feels like the pillows and blankets and baby still can't fill his spot. And i know they really can't... i was just hoping something would.
i promise not to let my blog become a "POOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" blog... but i AM gonna have my days... and nights where i just need to wallow and talk it out. I do journal... so that will help.
But right now... i miss him... and i'm lonely... and it's really not gonna feel any better til he is HOME and we don't have to say goodbye anymore.
no goodbyes... not even any impending goodbyes to worry about... it hardly seems like a reality. Maybe someday... maybe a year... maybe 25 years til that someday arrives... but someday.