Friday, June 17, 2011
Yes... for the 57th time... I AM only carrying ONE CHILD.
OOOOOhhhhhh boy... i am READY to have this baby! well... almost. my HOUSE isn't ready, but my poor feet and hips certainly are! There are honestly fears, however, that i am praying to conquer before coming face to face with my new little man... the biggest being "How in the world am i going to share my time, energy, and love with this new little person that is coming into my life when i am SO in love with Nathaniel?"
Yes, i'm trying to figure out how i could ever love another child the way i love my first son, Nathaniel...
i have to believe that other moms on the verge of becoming a mom of 2 have also had the same thought run through their mind at least once... for a split second... right? I just honestly really wonder if the same amazing, all-consuming, and all-inhabiting love and adoration that i felt the moment i held nathaniel for the first time will wash over be AGAIN for this new little boy God has blessed me with... i can't fathom loving another child the same way! My mom assures me that i will... but different. She has constantly said "I love you and carly the same amount... but in a different way... and thats how it will be with you and nathaniel and this new baby!"... still, it's hard for me to imagine.
None the less, i can't wait to kiss this new baby's sweet cheeks and hold him and he snuggles against me. :) It could easily be any day now, as i'm measuring 40 weeks! I'm anxious to start this new chapter in our family's life... and even more anxious to get my ankles back! ;)
little update... That chance at a recruiting position is once again UNavailable. :S I guess though they are starting to hire recruiters all over the US, they are NOT in DesMoines. *sigh* It is a severe disappointment for Justin, and for me as well to be honest... but i have to trust that God closed that door for a reason... :S This does me though that in Aug. or Sept., Justin will be gone for another 2 weeks at least for more training in NY (not required, but highly encouraged since he's new to his rate -aka job in the military), and then we're facing another deployment in 2012. Even the thought sends a little panic through me as it makes me wonder if i'm going to have to put off school AGAIN. i honestly don't think i'll be able to parent 2 young children on my own, AND go to school full time at Central... The annoying thing is with the military, they can't even give you a clue as to WHEN in 2012 this deployment might take place. If it's early 2012, that would require me to take the 2nd semester of my Junior year off... while if it's late 2012, then it would require me to start my Senior year late... i don't think either one is better than the other... but it would at least be nice to know and kinda be able to discuss with my academic adviser! :S Oh the JOYS of military life... even in the part time military! i thought we were going to escape this kind of uncertainty once we went reserve... HA! Silly me!!!! ;)
I am thoroughly enjoying my summer though... lots of time at the pool, and time simply enjoying my son! :) Though my feet are about 2x the size of what they SHOULD be, which keeps me from those evening walks and long bike rides i would normally be enjoying, i'm waddling around as much as my feet and hips allow, and am making the most of it. :) I simply enjoy being able to PLAY with nathaniel without feeling like i SHOULD be reading or writing a paper! Times like these make me wonder if simply being a full-time momma wouldn't be so terrible... though, unless we got back in the military... it WOULD be terrible for our bank account. :P
Ah, to be a grown up... not NEAR as much fun as i thought it would be... some days anyways. ;)