my little experiment...

hm... so, justin and i have always kinda had this "battle" between us... we have a very unbalanced need of intimacy between the two of us, and you'd think that the woman (me) was the one totally fine going awhile without any "mommy-daddy" time... but on the contrary! Justin is the one just wanting to CUDDLE... and usually HE'S the one who decides when we have ANY kind of lovey. kissing or anything else... this left me feelings a little jaded, a little unneeded/unwanted at times, and just plain dejected. It seemed totally unfair that HE got to call the shots in this area... (and i'm NOT just talking about mommy-daddy relations!) i was getting frustrated because Justin's really just naturally NOT very touchy... while i AM! if you know me... i'm huggin' on EVERYONE and their dog! so i'm just a touchy, lovey person normally! but justin is NOT... and often this really leaves me feeling rather cold as i grab my romance book off the bedside table and bitterly read about all the flirting in my BOOK.

so yesterday... justin had been at work for about 36 hours straight... Duty Day. :P So he came home and i decided i was gonna be as fickle as he was normally. Now, it was pretty easy since he brought a friend home with him (thank you very much for letting me know... i was cleaning out our closets in sweatpants, a baggy t-shirt and no undergarment!) AND nathaniel usually makes a point to have daddy's undivided attention when he gets home from work... so any kissing wouldn't have happened anyway. But once nathaniel was content and our friend was gone (about 2 hours later! :P) justin was wanting a kiss... and i just avoided it. Fed nathaniel, played with him, watched some TV, got on the internet... just did my own thing. And he's kinda noticing now that something's up... I start making some dinner and he was helping and kinda getting huggy, wanting a kiss. and i just said i didn't feel like it... that nothing was wrong, but that i just wasn't in the mood to get all kissy and stuff. He's like... "About 10 things are wrong with what you just said!" and i just laughed and said i wasn't feeling it. so he kinda sulked... went and did his own thing after he ate, and i watched TV... thinking he would come into the living room at any moment and DEMAND i kiss him after his long day at work! but no... HE JUST WENT TO BED! Seemed that my plan may have backfired... i hadn't meant at all to upset him... just kinda make a point. :S plus i had wanted to take an uninterrupted shower, and needed his help with nathaniel to accomplish that! BUT i didn't get that, so i just dealt with it and took a shower anyway... called my mom, chatted with her... put nathaniel to sleep, and then curled up in bed, WITH A BOOK (though... not romantic... "1984") and settled in. Woke up this morning to justin up 1/2 an hour early, out in the living room checking things on the computer... i came out, and continued with my distant treatment. he got ready, shaved, got his uniform on, and was at the door... i was NOT gonna let him go off to another full day of work without a kiss! :S

so i told him i loved him... "No you don't!" his playful reply was. and i laughed and looped my arms around his waist, looking up at him, smiling. "Why?" he asked. "Because." i laughed. "Thats not a reason!" he whined. I laughed a little more... "I wanted to give you a dose of your own medicine!" He looked totally flabbergasted! "Well thats a basic!" he exclaimed! "So?" i shrugged.

Anyways... what got me was that he went on to tell me that he'd been really frustrated... he wasn't gonna FORCE me to kiss him, but he hadn't know what to do with himself! "I didn't even want to watch the new Scrubs!" I just thought it was... unexpected how it had affected him, AND how he had handled it. he had totally been beside himself... wandering around the apartment, trying to figure out what to do with himself! it was slightly funny... but i really hoped he would see how i felt those nights with ALL I WANTED WAS TO MAKE-OUT A LITTLE!!!

I read a Bible vs... where it explains that once you're married the wife's body is her husband's, and his body, her's... now i'm not talking about demanding sex here, i'm talking about ALL touchy-feely-lovey stuff. And i know that usually it's reverse... the man wants more, and the woman has a "headache" or is "too tired"... but i'm talking about having that common respect and care for one another in the physical area. Sexually, and other areas... offering to take the kids so your spouse can have a decent SHOWER, for example! ;) AND... knowing when cuddling is enough, too and loving that time together too.

i am praying about this balance... and it IS something we can pray about! who knew sex and the such could be COMPLICATED! ;) never would have guessed it in those nice dating/newly married days!